Having Trouble Sparking a Summer Romance?
by: Marnie Nir
You say you want to find love this summer, but for some reason you’re having trouble igniting that spark. Whether you’re “not meeting anyone interesting” or “you’re losing interest after the first date,” the root of your frustration may have more to do with YOU, than your prospects.
You think that you are doing everything right. You’re at the neighbor’s BBQ, the beach, and the local farmers market. Your friends would all nod their heads in agreement that you are doing the right things, or, at the very least, you’re complaining loudly about your love life while you’re at it and, therefore, you must care.
Unfortunately, your efforts are coming up short and it seems like there IS a drought this summer: a shortage of great wo/men.
Spoiler alert: it might be you that’s the problem. And in order to get that “jumpspark” to your next romance this summer, you may need to take a quick step back first to take inventory on what you really believe possible in regard to finding that special someone.
WE ALL HAVE THEORIES ABOUT LOVE
Do you find yourself almost addicted to your lousy love theories? And, what if I told you I could find traces of your personal brand of lousy theories in your dating profile? And, while I’m at it, what if I can prove your addiction to your theories just as easily as you have been proving drought. It is, after all, ALL evidenced in the history of wo/men you’ve dated, no?
What if the aspects you’re attracted to in another person (whether a friend or romantic interest) are not necessarily so much about the other person BUT more so about your own theories?
YOU ARE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IN ALL THE WO/MEN YOU’VE DATED
You pick ‘em. You attract ‘em. You date ‘em. Hell, many of you have even married ‘em. There is a reason that song keeps playing on your figurative radio station. Best to stop looking so doe-eyed. Your fingerprints are indeed everywhere. And, it’s actually good news. Once you fully buy the realization that you are your problem, you can do something about you.
HOW TO PAVE THE WAY FOR THAT SUMMER SPARK
In order to figure out your particular brand of theories, make a list of all the women/men you’ve dated over the last ten-plus years (depending how old you are).
Once you’re done with the list, ask yourself:
- What are my theories about love?
- What are my theories about ME?
- What are my theories about relationships?
- What are my theories about all wo/men I would date?
- What are my theories about all wo/men I would KEEP dating?
- What are my theories about all wo/men I crush on?
- What are my theories about all wo/men I suffer over?
Truly, you wouldn’t date a jerk, tolerate a temper, and ignore the red flags if you didn’t have something you were proving, right? So I’m making the case that you’re more sneaky (not stupid) when it comes to love.
A great place to sniff out your own particular formula is to investigate your dating profile. Look to see if you managed to slip in any of the following crack-infested words:
Trustworthy, does not cheat, loyal, makes ME happy, takes risks, edgy, sarcastic, finds me attractive, mentally stable, not an x or a y, accepts me for me, sex does not get boring, unconditional, mutual, when things get tough he/she will go to counseling with me, no matter how often we fight, when times get hard, sticks with me through and through, ever-lasting, loyal, loyal, loyal and, what the hell, unconditional again.
Notice that negative pattern? I’m here to help change it.
NEXT, HOW TO IGNITE THE SUMMER SPARK
How will you ignite that summer spark? By creating NEW positive theories! You are dating you – in other words, dating your theories. Your theories pick your wo/man. It’s time to prove your new theories right.
HOW TO PROVE A NEW THEORY RIGHT
Old Theory: “I have to keep my true self hidden because they won’t like me when they get to know the real me.”
New Theory: “I love myself and I am proud of who I am and I will attract people who will truly cherish me.”
Old Theory: “Love is exhausting, hard work.”
New Theory: Being fake and managing everything is hard work. If I am open and honest in my relationships they will be full of beauty, fun, and lightness.
Truth is, the only way to truly change your tune when it comes to love is to see what’s in your current formula, go head on with it and be willing to prove something much braver than drought. Dare yourself to invent a NEW approach altogether when it comes to finding love this summer.
P.S. Are you ready to step up your dating game? Check out HG’s free love coaching tool to help you rock out your first 3 dates: handelgroup.com/match-special-offer
For more information, schedule a 30 Min Consultation to learn how HG’s coaching programs and services could benefit you. Register at www.handelgroup.com/match
Marnie Nir Bio: Humor, compassion, and candor are the driving forces in Marnie Nir’s work as VP of Content and senior coach with Handel Group. She brings lightness and levity to her work. “I have zero problem telling on myself. I use my inner jerk to point out theirs.” Consequently she is continually inspired by the difference that telling the truth offers to her clients. For Marnie, it’s about building the muscle of Personal Integrity, where what comes out of your mouth is what shall be. “In this way, you can really go from ‘I will go to the gym,’ to ‘I will win an Emmy.’”