by Paul Brunson
Your phone utters a soft “ding” as you get a message on your dating app (or maybe it’s on a dating website). The message? It’s from someone saying: “Hey.”
That’s not a bad thing to read, but how do you move past those initial rounds of “Hey’s” and towards something more real?
Considered by many to be one of the world’s top matchmakers, I’ve worked successfully one-on-one with thousands of men and women. In the process, I’ve helped most of my clients set up their online dating profiles (both for websites and apps). After analyzing the online dating experiences of many of these clients, I’ve discovered a simple yet effective method to move past “Hey” – and into offline, in-real-life dating.
Here are the 3 easiest steps to move past “Hey.”
1. Get your mindset right. It’s important to understand that even though it’s called an online dating website or dating app, you don’t actually date online. That’s why “online dating” is really a misnomer – because the whole point of these apps and websites are to help you meet people – in person.
This realization shifts your whole mindset about “online dating.” Now, you can brazenly arm yourself with this attitude: “I’m here specifically to meet (not chat) with as many people as possible.” This mindset shift changes the approach.
Cool? Let’s move on.
2. Get your strategy right. Say “Sayonara” to tricks and gimmicks, scams and shams. No need to invoke funny-in-a-weird-way pickup lines and mind games. Instead, understand that “online dating” has been very simple since photos were added to profiles: people’s initial decisions on you are based almost entirely on your photo. So this makes “online meeting” straightforward: just upload your best, most accurate photo. If someone doesn’t find you attractive, this only means that the two of you aren’t a good fit. No worries. And this also means that if someone has started an initial chat with you, they probably find you attractive – which is a good motivation and reason for you to take things offline.
3. Ask one simple question. After the first few messages, don’t linger in chat-space and prolong the conversation on the app or website! Many people get sucked into a never-ending online convo – they’re afraid or anxious to ask to take things offline (“OMG what will she/he think of me??”). These back-and-forth chats eventually sputter out of energy and direction. What’s the remedy for this? It’s daringly simple. Just ask this one question: “I would love to talk. Can I have your number?” If that makes you feel too vulnerable to rejection, you can try this instead: “I would love to talk. Can I give you my number?” This is the put-up-or-shut-up question that determines if there’s a good fit. If they’re hesitant to move things offline, consider this a red flag: this probably isn’t going to go anywhere.
I also give my clients one other piece of advice when it comes to moving from online to offline: when sharing your number, use a “cover” – like a Google number – just to ensure your safety and privacy.
If you’ve found yourself victim to what feels like a never-ending online dating chat, I encourage you to give these 3 simple steps a try.
For more from Paul, visit his site.