What Are You Thinking?

by Laurie Gerber

“I’m not good on first dates”

“I always pick the unavailable ones”

“I’m the type of person that…”

Suspend your beliefs, theories, worldly perspectives and personal histories for a moment … and consider this:

What you think about, you bring about.

“But it’s always been this way!” You may protest, and point to all the evidence in your dating history that proves your theory. It’s also true that our thoughts precede our actions. So even if you are gung-ho on finding the one, if you secretly think “dating stinks and I’m no good at it,” you’ll find ways to prove yourself right, either by sabotaging yourself with anxiety or avoiding dates all together! Case in point: if you think it’s going to be a chilly night, wouldn’t you bring a jacket? If you really think “there are no good dates left in this city,” you’ll count all the people holding hands in the park and never see the person waiting with a rose in their hand for you. You’re not looking

Why? It’s fear! Fortunately for everyone, feelings are not facts, and any negative conclusions you have come to regarding your dating life truly are just theories, waiting to be proven right or wrong. And being that both positive and negative self-talk are conditioned patterns of thinking, you can actively experiment with new theories and catch your results in real time.

See if you can spot your brand of negative theories in the examples below, and consider the new, better theories you could adopt — and adapt to. The next time you go out on a date or attend an event, make it your mission to prove one right. What would you do differently if these theories were actually true?

That’s a trick question. You MAKE them true, by thinking and acting differently.


Old theory: “Dating is awkward”

New theory: “Dating is an open-ended adventure”


Old theory: “No one wants to date a divorcee with kids”

New theory: “Whoever sweeps me off my feet is also going to adore my family”


Old theory: “I’m too old/young/fat/skinny/busy/boring/complicated to date”

New theory: “My exact match is waiting for me, and my heart is wide open and ready to find that person!”


Remember, what you think about, you bring about. Bring about something great.

If you know this is a good point but you’re not sure how to change YOUR point of view, let us help. Sign up for a Free Consultation on the life area of your choice, get a feel for the Handel Method® and see how this type of coaching can help you find the one, be the best version of yourself and live the life of your dreams.