The Science Behind First Date Bedroom Behavior by Dr. Helen Fisher

At any given moment you can find singles in coffee shops, on park benches, and at fancy restaurants meeting for their first date. But with all the changing rules in dating, who knows what’s appropriate pre-, during, and post-date these days?’s Chief Scientific Advisor Dr. Helen Fisher presents what makes singles tick during that pivotal first meeting.

First date bedroom behavior

I‘m single.  And I can’t help looking at statistics about sex and love and wondering where I “fit in” attitude and behavior wise. This time, it’s with first dates—it’s so difficult to know what’s appropriate! So pulled from their 2012 Singles in America study, a host of data about what singles do, how they think, and what they want on a first date.

Over 5,000 men and women of every background, sexual orientation, ethnicity, age and location answered our questions, including:  How many dates have you been on in 2012?  How did you meet your most recent first date?  Who invited whom? And more. But let’s get to the juicy part:  Sex.  What do American singles regard as appropriate sexual behavior on a first date?

A peck on the cheek makes the cut; over 90% of both sexes approve of this. Holding hands is also fashionable, with over 84% of both men and women regarding this as suitable on a first date. But when it comes to kissing, men favor kissing much more than women! Some 88% of men versus 65% of women regard smooching as “very appropriate” or “somewhat appropriate.” Could it be that men are more eager to kiss because they carry traces of testosterone in their saliva and unconsciously hope to share a bit of this stimulant to increase their partner’s sexual desire?  Men tend to like sloppier kisses– perhaps for this unconscious reason.

Cuddling also gets more votes from men (76% of men regard snuggling as “very” or “somewhat appropriate” on a first date, while only 56% of women do). But men may be expressing a primal instinct here as well.  Cuddling triggers the oxytocin system in the brain, stimulating feelings of attachment.  Perhaps men intuitively hope to trigger not only the sex drive, but also feelings of tenderness and affection.

But how about sex— what’s proper these days? Well, Dallas might be your mecca if you are hoping to have sex on the first date. Some 31% of singles regard it as “very appropriate” or “somewhat appropriate.” And 41% of New York men agree, the most of any city polled.

But less than 10% of men and 2% of women actually have sex upon meeting. I’m not surprised. Sex activates five of your 12 cranial nerves, engulfing your brain with information about how your partner tastes, smells, feels, sounds and looks— as well as broadcasting much about how you are.  It can trigger feelings for romantic love or attachment too. Sex is not casual. And it can most certainly hurl you into a new relationship. Apparently most singles avoid this intimacy until they get to know a bit more about “him” or “her.”

It is well known in scientific circles that we tend to overestimate the amount of sex our peers are having. But this data clearly shows we aren’t losing out… at least not on the first date. Singles are far more savvy about their love lives than we give them credit for. We fit in.

For more information on first dates or the Singles in America 2012 study, visit our blog.

  • Golden Girl

    My opinion is that since we know men are hunters and love pursuing their prey…being too fast to have sex satisfies that part of the relationship before you get to know each other. I have been on Match for two years and my rule of engagement is the third date is appropriate if all else is going well. Also frankly, I am in the Senor Citizen category, love sex, and want to make sure my partner is physically capable before getting too invested in the relationship. Honest and true.

    • maryke

      I liked this approach, since I am a senior also, appreciate it.

    • Robert

      You are not being fair to men. What a convenient cop out, “hunters”? “Prey”? … its so negative and unfair. As a man, I really get sick of being treated like this.

  • Copper

    You go, Blanche. 😉

  • Ted Michaels

    This is a very informative article….thanks

  • gary

    if a girl is willing to have sex on the first date, i see it as a sign that she is not interested in me romantically.if i want to have sex first date, that is what it means. Kiss first date should only happen if it feels natural…no reason to force it.

    • Melissa

      I am a woman and I agree with your statement because it rings true for me. I wouldn’t sleep with a guy on a first date if I was interested in him long term. Seems kinda messed up we will be intimate with someone were not interested in.

  • John Smith

    In the last 2 years i’ve had sex with at least 10 different ladies on the first date. Best find out if you’re compatible sooner rather than later.

    • Lori

      Was the 10th the charm? Are you in a relationship with a woman with whom you’ve had sex on the first date?

    • Nuts

      So far, you haven’t found any compatible after 10 tries. What does that say?

    • SC

      Sexual compatibility will work itself out—IF the rest of you is compatible with one another.

    • Princeswarior

      For sure you never went out with me!!! AND I never would with you!

    • Verovol

      Compatible how? Certainly not emotionally so you using as a service to find sexual partners?

    • utah guy

      Can’t agree more, sex is a huge part of a relationship, see how well you work together intimately right out of the shute.

    • Charlie

      10 different ladies on the first date?? How many 2nd, 3rd & 4th (dinner or activity) dates have you had with these women. & have any turned into “relationships”?

    • Gregory Dalla Santa

      Ha! Reply to: John Smith
      That must be your goal then. I don’t believe that. Because what you are saying is,
      all luck was in your hands and you believe sex comes first. (men lie as well and that does not help statistics). Most women that love and care for themselves wait for sex. Why is finding out if you are sexually compatible more important than a woman knowing if you fit the picture. Women and some men, look at the bigger picture. Anyone who has desire to have sex on the first date without control to wait, IMO is plainly an animal. NO CONTROL Like the ones that can’t get it out without spewing himself before sex happens. I hear men say sex is 50% of the relationship. Hmm or is it sex and physical attraction that is 50% of the relationship? I think neither.
      I have the desire to sex it up with any woman who attracts me. That does not mean its going to happen. Just like a hot car, I like alot of hot cars. But which one am I ultimately going to stay with? If I have sex with all the cars, I am a slut. And still without that special one. Instead, I get to know them all. Break it down to three weeding out the bad ones then I choose which one best fits with my criteria.

  • Eugene

    Less than 2% of women have sex on the first date? That is laughable. Maybe less than 2% of women REPORT having sex on the first date. But as we all know, people lie to themselves, women especially, and especially when it comes to sex.

    Take a decent looking women in her 20’s and 30’s, and if she’s single…I assure you, more than “2%” are having sex on the first date. That statistic is laughable.

    The other part of these study conclusions that are absurd is that you take women’s statements about “kissing” and “sex” on a first date to mean something. Just because a women says kissing/sex is somewhat inappropriate or very inappropriate, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want sex on the first date! Women want sex, they just want the guy to take the lead and all the responsibility! If all women said that sex on a first date was appropriate, they’d think of themselves and sluts, and no women wants to be slutty.

    So any guy reading this…just because a women says it’s inappopriate, and even if women reading this disagree, remember this one rule : What women SAY, and what women actually WANT and RESPOND to, are two completely different things!


    • benice

      typical male response

    • M3Jeremy

      I have been out with 4 girls from Match.. I slept with two of them on the first date one of them on the third and the other there was no mutual attraction.. so just going by my match experience 50% of women hooked up on the first date.. I’m also on another site I won’t name but it is strictly for finding adult friends for sex. I think there are a lot of women out there that think that if they are on a dating site instead of a hook up site they are less “trashy” for having sex on the first date.

    • humble

      I’m sorry, but I think if we referred to statistics, there is more female than male. Rates are different from numbers, 2% of females could easily be equal to 10% of males, meaning that there would be 1 man for each 5 women. Lol.

    • Robert

      I think its pretty accurate. I have been on my share of first dates and have hardly met any women who would be willing to do such a thing on a first date. I wouldn’t expect them to either. You obviously have no morals and think it is quite ok to have sex with someone you haven’t even gotten to know that well. People like you deserve to get VD.

    • Loli

      Since you clearly don’t know the difference between something as elementary as “woman” and “women”, I’m not sure you can be trusted to comment on something as complex as what “women” want.

    • really

      Sounds like you might spend some time in the court system.

    • Suebee

      Your one rule is off. Remember this one rule: what women SAY is what you need to listen to. NO means NO. Always. Same goes if a man says no.

    • sensual guy

      Quite right,Eugene.This study gives the impression that we are still living in queen Victoria’s days,when it comes to women and sex.Not so, at all.Women want sex on the first day of dating just like men.I see nothing wrong with sex on the first date,as long as both of you can agree to take that road with out pressure.

    • Carol

      I totally agree with you!

    • Jack

      There is NO!!, and there is oh, no… Two very different statements. The oh, no is the woman wanting the man to be responsible for her “having to give in” and not being responsible. I have spent about 23 of my 71 years as a single man and know the difference having encountered it numerous times. Do NOT ignore NO!. But try not to be fooled by oh, no.



    • S

      You are fool and don’t know what you are talking about….. -A Woman!!

  • Birdie

    We all know what happens once you have sex on the first date – Men disappear and the chase is over with. No phone calls, no flowers and no other dates. Hmmm… could this be the reason why I only have 50 First dates? If a Man wants to pursue an authentic and meaningful relationship, he knows he will need to be a gentleman on the first date and then we will see how things progress thereafter. Maybe I am on old fashioned girl, but I still believe that men will not want to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.

    • Softballumpire

      Really? its not just the men who want sex first, sometimes they women whom only want sex so don’t be judgmental. Your already assuming the guy gone after sex. My first time i dated…. my ex wanted me to have sex with her she wanted a child… i was not ready nor did i have sex with her the first week or third week.

    • margie

      I absolutely agree with Birdie. The result of sex on the first date never turns out to be nothing more than the man disappearing. No phone calls, no flowers and no other dates. This has happened to me too many times.
      Why don’t the men stop assuming we want sex and just ask. Either it is a “yes” or a “no”. Leave it at that. If he really likes you and respects you then he won’t be making any sexual moves.

      No one gets hurt here. And if we click, we click. It’s that easy.

    • Dave

      Depends on how “sweet” the milk is!! Duh!

    • The rock

      I’m sorry but for the men who “hit it and quit it” are total idiots! It’s like hitting the jackpot everytime you find a woman who wants to have sex! And for the man to disappear after the initial sexual encounter is nonsense! Have sex as much as you want since the seed has been done! And if its done right then you have total control and can dictate when and where until you wish for it to be over! That’s how the chase and hunt really played!

    • Happy Steve

      Maybe you have something else going on that is chasing the men away? Just saying.

    • BELLA

      I was married for 25 years and things are so different now, I have found in my 2 1/2 years of dating that alot of guys are out just for sex, so if they dont get the milk from you they will move on and get it somewhere else. I have had sex on the first date , I am a women and also have needs and I love sex. It is such a double standard, as it has always been, that if two people have sex that the women is a slut, ITS bs and not true. If two people have sex, it makes the women the same thing as the man, someone who had sex, period. I look at it this way now that I am a bit older, if I want to have sex with someone, I can because I am an adult. And I doubt for most people on there death bed would ever say, I wish I would have had less sex.Oh and I dont know who your meeting, a guy who thinks to himself, hmm I want to find someone to have a authentic and meaningful relationship with, there does not seem to be to many of those to me, guys don’t sit around thinking about that stuff for the most part, they don’t know till they know.

    • lance

      The cow or milk shouldn’t cost anything. That’s called prostitution. I know a lot of women believe this but when you say such, it comes across trashier than the girl who always is “giving it away”

    • Flower356

      I too still feel this way Birdie. Men will be men. Enjoy the ride while men are motivated ladies…make them wait, and I believe they will respect you more in the long run.

    • Guest

      On the other hand, why should women buy the whole pig when all they want is a little sausage? Not original but the same principle – if either men or women are going to treat the other gender as “something to get/conquer” – why bother?

    • Guest

      Well, I married the last woman I had sex with on the first date. And it lasted for 20 years. You can view that two different ways 🙂

      If you can get the milk for free, why wouldn’t you buy the cow to corner the market?

  • Just A Guy

    I don’t think men “love pursuing their prey”. We love having sex and would much prefer not to have to go through all the steps to get there. Women want to feel safe and all that before having sex- which is understandable- but men don’t have that need, except in the safe-sex department. That’s honest and true. 😉 But I agree that the third date is appropriate unless you’re both drawn to each other in some crazy lustful way. It’s happened to me once or twice. Rare magic, though.

    • Adam

      I agree, I HATE pursuing. I don’t even date. It’s a waste of my time and girls don’t usually like me anyway. So why try to convince them? I’ll have to wait until I have something they want, lots of money, connections, or fame. Don’t agree w/ the 3 date thing that is WAAAAYYYY to soon. I was friends w/ a girl for 2 years, we started dating, 3 months later we had the sexy. 4 months later I broke up w/ her. Now we barley talk, I wish we never dated and just stayed good friends 4 life. I miss her everyday.

    • Betta Franka

      Can someone explain the difference between 3rd date and a first date?

  • Cat

    I agree with waiting at least for a couple of weeks of dating. It does allow that time to get to know one another. In some of my past dating encounters, I REALLY liked the guy the first couple of times we went out, but then some some red flags that were deal breakers. I was always happier when I walked away from those relationships and without having sex, it just made it easier to move on. I felt like I didn’t “give” up a part of myself to someone I am no longer interested in having in my life.
    I will add, that I don’t like to wait “too” long, because chemistry in bed is still an important ingredient to a passionate intimate relationship. I would not like to wait two or three months, just to find out, “uh-oh, this isn’t going to work.”

    • johnblueeyes4u

      I agree with you Cat. I dated a woman that I liked a lot but she waited three months for sex but was still wanted a snuggle partner at night. By the time she was ready the chemistry in bed was not there for me. The passion and intimacy was gone and she and I broke up soon after because she wanted me to be more intimate with her. But those first three months she gave me too many mixed signals. If I had to do it all over again I would never of had sex with her because there was no passion when we finally did it.

  • Single in the Okanagan

    I, too, am in the “golden girl” category and prefer to hold back on sex in new relationships until I have a better sense of where it’s going. Sex is important to me and I don’t want to waste/invest the energy if the signs aren’t auspicious. As with the earlier comment from Golden Girl, third or fourth date sounds more my style.

    • Lemming

      What are you considering “golden girl category”?

    • Adam

      3rd or 4th date? How about 20th? And I’m a guy who hasn’t had any in 6 years.

  • Fiftynsexy

    As a senior I agree with wanting to make sure the male counterpart can function still as old school I can’t just jump into bed with anyone I just met I have to have some kind of feeling for that person before I can have sex with them if not hell I would just prostitute myself and at least make money for putting out!

    • Name

      Attraction, yes, but again, more important is disease….doesn’t that matter?
      What do you know about any man or woman in the early dates..not much.

    • Rubylin

      I agree with you. It’s the ultimate sharing so it’s better to have some kind of feeling for the other person. If it’s intimacy you are after there are plenty of ways to achieve that without jumping into the sac.

    • Content

      I agree, I’m in my early 40’s and I like to take my time to get to know if this man is someone I want to share the emotional/intimate side with. Sex is attached to many emotions and I don’t want to invest in someone who’s not worth it. Therefore, I may take a little time just get to know them? Call me old fashioned but It works 4 me.

  • Emerald

    I am a middle aged woman and have been told by men that I am aggressive and in control like they are haha (My occupation is sales) If I meet a man on the first date and feel that spark or energy than sometimes I say yes to sex on the first date!! This doesn’t happen that often because I have yet to meet my friend and lover for long term. So, I will continue to have fun dating & hopefully will meet my “Match” soon.

    • LifeLongWWEFan

      I like an aggressive Woman 🙂

  • seniorVBguy

    1 in 10 men and 1 in 50 women have sex on the first date ? That is possible if women go on 5 times as many first dates as men, to find a guy worth having sex with. From what I have gleaned, women get 10 to 100 times as many e-mails from men as the reverse. Lots more dating opportunities for the women. The crappy men make the good guys get lucky oftener.

    I’ve yet to get to a 3rd date in two years. I also don’t drink, and am very active at my age. Most women are less active, love wine tasting and traveling. In groups.

    Men a woman likes me, sex is often. I can wait.

    • shari capaccio

      That seems to be all men want sex its hard to find a good man with family values

  • truelove

    I found this survey very interesting…… Did they not “poll” the men in Arizona? Because my “Match” dating experience has been, fairly aggressive tries by the men on the first meet with that dreaded walk to the car! The press you up against your car and go in for the “deep” kissing and breast grab attempts 🙁 And, it seems like even with no chemistry at all, these men feel the need to atleast give it the “College Try”. I find the same answers and responses “At your age, what are saving it for? We are both adults”….

    For this reason, I have been turned off by the dating scene and dread meeting a new person. I am sure there are many men out there with manners and respect for who they are with, but for the most part? I think it is just instinct and our genetic make up that creates, on their behalf, a “Atleast it was worth a shot” attitude……

    I guess some of us are looking for getting to know someone and actually liking them before the sex thing……. others dont want to be alone and enjoy feeling of intimacy, even if its with someone they dont actually know, or may never see again.

    I dont think there is a right or wrong answer to when it appropriate to have sex…..I think it is everyones right to decide for themselves.

    • margie

      I’m with you. I dread the dating experience. What happened to old-fashioned values and respect. Just ask if she wants sex, don’t assume she does. The best sex is when both are agreeable to it because both are giving of oneself mutually.

    • Dave

      You probably don’t find the “good guys” attractive. So that’s your fault.

    • Yeah_right

      I am also in arizona and have found about half the women to be very aggressive from Match. I had one woman walk out on me when I told her I wouldn’t sleep with her on the first date (I am a man). Overall I am very disappointed!!!!

    • Andy G

      Yup – you are so right. I’ve been on Match on and off for more than five years and have talked to a LOT of women. I’ve heard hundreds of date stories of all varieties. But what really gets me is the fact that most guys are philistines, and they think that just because they buy a girl a few glasses of wine or an order of spaghetti and meatballs entitles them to a kiss.

      Don’t they pick up on the signs that “uh maybe she doesn’t like me or is attracted to me”… I know that I do. and I can typically figure out if a girl likes me or not in an hour or so. So dudes, If a girl doesn’t like you, why the hell would she want to kiss you in the parking lot?

    • Lemming

      Truelove – I feel like you were in my head with your post.

    • Carol

      I agree! There is no right or wrong answer as to when to have sex. It is up to the individuals.

    • MAXINE


    • Really?

      I just moved to Arizona almost a year ago and was newly single before the move. I’m from the East coast and it seems the guys out here are a different breed. Would love to compare notes!! Have had quite a few forward guys contact me just looking to hook up!! What’s with that!?!

  • beegeedude

    Ladies, don’t let guys force you if you’re not ready! Some of us still have “old fashioned” morals, and would rather make love to a single partner for life rather than just have sex with whoever comes along.

    • Softballumpire

      That an insult to guys

    • P-Diddy

      Amen….I agree with you!!! Are you single????

    • Cmac

      Now that’s the right answer…. My Mother always taught me; “Pretty Is, What Pretty does”

    • housedoctor

      I agree with the “old fashioned morals” and “partner for life” ideas. In
      fact, the “good morals” part means more than just waiting until you
      feel ready. In reality, waiting for marriage is part of what builds
      commitment and trust, both necessary in a strong longtime partnership. I
      know that’s not the norm now days, but after all, if your can’t control
      yourself now, how can your partner feel confident that you will control
      yourself later, around other people? Besides, like it or not, anything
      less is just immorality, “fornication”. Remember that word anyone?

    • Melissa

      Thank you for that breath of fresh air.

    • umgowa

      in this world its nice to know am not the only guy who agrees with you on this one good call dude

    • Adam

      I wish ALL woman were like that. I can’t ever get married knowing a bunch of guys screwed my wife, and now I’m getting the leftovers.

    • Daizy

      That’s awesome! If only more men were of your character!

    • Lookingstill

      Wow you are among the few which is too bad. I’ve had “deal breakers’ because I insisted that sex wasn’t what I was looking for. It was a long lasting partner that I could “make love” to for life. Nicely put.

  • Gail Works

    I recently met a man on Match, and we shared a goodnight kiss (after 5 hour first date), but the minute I allowed that to happen, it was like the floodgates open. The man wanted to have sex the next day! Sorry, dude, not happening

    • benice

      I agree there are too many guys on match just looking for casual sex, no strings attached. They pressure you for sex before you even get to know them and before the infatuation wears off and you see the real person they are. Most are not worth daiting because of that mindset. Many women want a RELATIONSHIP…..

  • white-black president

    the women usually decide within 10 minutes if they are interested in having sex with a guy….it’s up to him to screw that up.

    • Adam

      Wow, that sucks for me then.

  • ronnie

    I’m not aan that disrespects any women I give all the respect they need if she doesn’t want to do anything that’s fine with me I will treat her right

    • Anya

      Thank you, you are the kind if man we women are looking for. Keep up the good work. It will pay off.

  • Opinion on 1st date sex

    On the first date… or the 2nd, 3rd, 4th… or whatever – to kiss, hold hands, simply touch hands… or any number of sexual acts, including intercourse with penetration – it is entirely the decision and preference of the two individuals. Furthermore what one does may vary from 1st date to 1st date… or whatever the number is… from one person to the other. Overall – with the women I have dated (I am male) it has varied. In some instances… sex never occurred and there was no 2nd date because of insufficient mutual attraction. In some instances sex happened by the 4th-5th date if attraction/desire was mutual. In some instances the mutual attraction was extremely strong and immediate… and passionate sex occurred – not only on the 1st date but as soon as possible within that date. Trying to “set rules” or even suggest guidelines is futile… what happens on any date – 1st or otherwise – is entirely up to the two people having the date! And… all “1st dates” do not have to follow the same sequence/pattern, etc. of events.

    • K

      I absolutely agree with this gentleman. For all you ladies and guys out there, if the chemistry is grand and both people are being open and honest about the TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP they desire and both agree on that factor, then the 1st date or the 10th date should not make a difference. Sex on the first date, if both people are truly looking for an exclusive RELATIONSHIP, should only enhance the on-going forward relationship…. Remember, though, guys, you REALLY REALLY need to be honest about exactly what your are interested in,,, i.e. a one-timer, or a full relationship,,,, and I don’t mean marriage. I’m a very senior lady, and don’t want to miss anything that may be wonderful… We gals will always make the final decision anyway……

    • Carol

      I am female, and totally agree that there are no rules on sex and 1st dates. It is clearly up to the couple.

    • Adam

      omg. you’ve had sex w/ a girl by the 4th or 5th date? That’s incredible! So all I have to do is go out w/ a girl for a week and by the end, we’ll have sex? oh… “if attraction/desire was mutual”. oh ok. Well your lucky if that happened to you.

    • Jackwagon1313

      Well said !

  • ronnie

    I’m looking for a honest relationship that has no strings atatched

  • jemblue

    So 10% of men have sex on the first date but only 2% of women? How does that work?

    • deprogramming services

      Here are a few possibilities:
      10% of men are having sex with 2% of very busy women.
      The study did not only involve heterosexuals.
      Some men and some women were not being honest, maybe even with themselves.

    • Braddddley

      Well 10% of us are apparently sleeping with the same 2% :0

    • AdkBuddy

      Must be some women are 5 times busier than some men!

    • klinko725

      The important word is would. They would, doesn’t mean they are.

    • Manly Mann

      More than one man is having sex with the same woman is how that works.

    • Woman who likes sex

      The 10/2% statistic was regarding whether men/women thought it was a good idea to have sex on a first date, so that 10% of men think it’s ok, but aren’t necessarily getting any….

    • carson

      That 2% is very busy.

    • cragel

      The other 8% have sex with someone else (booty call) or themselves. Some of us ooze testosterone and have libidos the size of a microwave oven. A hot, clickin’ gal on a first date that for many realistic reasons doesn’t end with sex with her that night can leave some of us aroused beyond belief. At least in my world and I’m 58. I’m half Italian and Catholic – we’re breeders.

    • $30998148

      The men are gay!

    • chrissyb

      Right? I wondered about that too! I guess they could be talking about gay men, the article does say that the people drawn for the study/survey were “every background, sexual orientation, ethnicity, age and location”…..but I’m thinking Eugene a few posts up has it right. Women just won’t ADMIT that we have sex on the first date.

    • Grimaldii

      Apparently the 10% have found a very loose 2%.

    • daisy

      You’re not a math person are you? lol… you see those 2% of women are very busy….

    • Morty

      Those 2% really get around???

    • testit

      If true, those 10% of men are having sex on first dates with 2% of women, ie. those women are going on 5 first dates per each of the men, and having sex on that first date. Of course, that leaves out first dates where men are having sex with men and women with women.

      Of course this is suspect, as are the answers provided by the respondents, and the study itself.

    • SC

      ….men having sex with someone, etc..—other than “women”?

    • billybob

      Yeah you’re right! If there’s 100 dates- that only works if there’s 2 very busy women hooking up with 10 guys. I would say that statistic sounds doubtful.

    • Houstonian Male

      Jemblue, it works this way: more men keep on trying to have sex on the first date, but only 10% report on being successful. On the other hand, the same 2% of women that reported having sex on the first date, keep on having sex with their “new” male companions (different first dates). Does that make sense?

    • JustSayin

      8% are still having sex… just alone.

    • ShyGirl

      Lol! Right on! Do the math. Statistics don’t add up! Unless the writer of this article neglected to mention some key point to that “error” (perhaps the other 8% are gay?)

    • Pj Harvey

      Maybe a certain percentage of men are having sex with other men.

    • Happy Steve

      Either lots of gays were polled or maybe the 2% of women are going on 5 dates per night and having sex on all of them?
      Probably more likely though that many women or men are lying about it. Or maybe they both lie.

    • Anon a Mouse

      10% of men having sex with the same slutty 2% of women (or men)! Ha!

    • Ten Percenter

      Simple. In a sample group of 100 women, Jane and Sally are the ones who go on a lot of first dates.

    • JoeBlow

      Those 2% are getting around, obviously. I’m also willing to wager the men are over-reporting and women under-reporting their true statistics.

    • aRareSaneOne

      A few females (shouldn’t really call them women, with this behavior) really get a lot of action on that first date, sounds like 5x the rest

    • Westcoastgurl

      The remaining 8% of women didn’t want to admit it! Unfortunately, there is still a double standard in society.

    • icallbs

      Exactly what I was thinking…

      Unless that 8% of men is having sex with other men, or there is misrepresentation in the survey (men overstating, or women understating it) the math just doesn’t add up. 🙂

    • Frank Ragsdale

      At least 8% of the women don’t tell the truth!

    • Just Me

      NO! 10% & 2% think it’s appropriate. That doesn’t mean they’re doing it.

    • S.M.

      Are you saying you don’t understand the statistic. Makes perfect sense to me.

    • DougV

      Those 2% are getting around…

  • Marcello

    2%??? Absolutely not true.

    • Nuts

      You need to take a math course.

    • Authentic Girl

      Rather concerned with the comment that “what women want and what women say are entirely different things”…..this borders on the “the”
      dangerous assumption that women don’t really mean “no” when they say it.

    • AZ girl

      Sex on the first, second, or third date? Why should anyone feel compelled to live up to numbers and statistics? Intimacy is just that, being intimate with someone you know WELL, how can that happen after only 3 dates?

  • Hard Truth

    Willful Ignorance
    I can sympathize with your desire for information. For our part, men want to know whether a woman enjoys sex enough that she won’t withdraw into frigidity when the initial infatuation fades. But that’s not a good excuse for unprotected sex, and the dating pool—in every age category and at every socioeconomic level—is full of otherwise-intelligent people who are willfully ignorant about the risks. The CDC estimates that there are 19 million STD infections a year, most recently to that attractive and well-educated woman you met over coffee last week.

    • Name

      Kudos, I so agree with you.

    • Leila West

      I totally agree take it slow but I am older only 53but love sex but also how to get to know my date well enough also practice safe sex these days wish I could meet someone and the orange on Beaumont area would love to start off slow with lunch or movies or dinner

    • Leila West

      would like to meet a true gentleman who understands taking time and safe sex

  • old phantomII

    Something is wrong with your statistics. Are there that many more women out there where you can have a `10% to 2% differential between men & women having sex on the first date? Also, if everyone had a first date with the opposite sex, that would presuppose a 50-50 split between men & women (assuming gay people are not in the statistics), so someone isn’t telling the truth…. Where are the phantom 8% of women coming from?

  • Nonna

    I guess I am old fashion. But I believe a peck on the cheek is from a perfect gentleman. A hug bye is okay also. I respect a man who is all about great friendship first. Who can control his urges for the better prize. My dad always said a man likes a bit of mystery in a woman. I find the more lady like I am, the more men are attracted to me. I believe sex should be last on the list, after all the other qualities in a man are proven. Honesty, loyalty, communication, fun, sense of humor, etc….. Love is the icing on the cake of a great relationship. I want to be sure this man is for me and I want the act to be very special and memorable. I could write a lot more but I think you understand where I am coming from… Hope you find the man of your dreams and then some.

  • deprogramming services

    I think the story of the frog and the spider is appropriate here: A frog and spider were on one side of a body of water and wanted to get across. The spider asked the frog if he could get on his back and be carried across. The frog said “no way: when you get on my back you’ll sting me and I’ll die.” So the spider said “why would I do that; if I sting you, you’ll sink and we’ll both drown.” The frog thought about that and decided to let the spider get on his back. About half way across the spider stung the frog. Just before passing out the frog asked “why did you do that? You killed both of us.” And the spider said “I’m a spider, that’s what spiders do.”
    There are certain situations that smart women avoid. A guy might be a perfect gentleman and have the best intentions, but given the right conditions his instinct will take over and he’ll do what men do. The overwhelming majority will take no for an answer, though they might be a little persistent (especially if alcohol is involved). But it might be just as well to avoid the situation in the first place, until you feel more comfortable with the guy.

  • Daniel Turski

    I am waiting for my wedding night. I am 28, have had plenty of opportunities, and still a male virgin. A person is a gift to be unwrapped and I prefer waiting for Christmas morning as opposed to getting sneakpeeks. With the theme of STDs aside it is a biological fact that an increase in number of sexual partners decreases the amount of oxytocin released in one’s body whilehaving sex. It is like sticking a piece of tape to your arm: every time you hook up with a new person you are tearing that piece of tape off the previous partner and trying to stick the same piece onto the next arm… the glue loses its strength, your body releases less oxytocin, and your sex loses a lot of the romantic and intimate dynamism that you so desire.

  • Gregory

    Women know when they are getting laid,from that morning throughout the day. Guy’s are just hoping for the stars to align and the magnetic pull of gravity to play in his favor. Basically men are hoping it might be their lucky day. Women don’t need Luck.

    And this is news?

  • rudminda

    This is not a date. This is raw hook up culture. It’s an excuse for sex, and not just sex but really prostitution since it occurs on the very 1st meeting. There’s no reason that you EVER have to see how ‘sexually compatible’ you are, much less on the very 1st ‘date.’

  • Sunshine

    I happen to be a Baptist and grow up believing that sexual intercoarse was only for married couples but now days times have changed. I’ve found out that once you’ve been introduced to sex whether its just kissing and cuddling that it is hard not to
    end-up in bed and some men act like pigs but that is just their hormons (excuse spelling) and sometimes we just don’t listen to the little voice telling us its getting out of hand.

  • MarkDPulham

    Here is what is appropriate, it’s what you BOTH want to do. There is a natural progression through a relationship, and it can be fast or it can be slow. If a guy tries to push it too early, he’s more likely, I believe, to push it away more than anything else. Let things take their course, and both should know when the time is right, and that could be the first date or the tenth date, but when both of them feel it’s okay, then that is the appropriate moment.

  • I’m Not James

    A rush for physical intimacy on the first date is opening the doors to quietly wondering, “how much did the act of sex play a role in bringing us together?”

  • mjb

    Question: I have know a women at work for 3 years, almost 4. We both had significant others up until a couple months ago. We never have gone out before on a “date” or done anything except flirt. When we go out, and If it goes there, would this actually be considered sex on a first date?

  • Robert

    To be completely honest with you? If a woman shares herself with me physically early on, and we can connect in that way, it draws me closer. It makes me feel more serous about her. If I get stiff armed, I don’t come back pretty quickly because its just too expensive to pay for dinner and take the time. Its not that I expect to have sex the first date, but that if there isn’t any play what so ever, the risk of it not happening on a 2nd or 3rd date is so greatly increased, that it makes the prospect unappealing for me.

  • a woman in place

    From long experiences with relationships, I believe that getting to know your partner mentally and spending time with him/her is a priority before sex. People in general are different it takes some time to get to know their habits, what they like, about their family lives and work. If it develops naturally and laughter and respect falls into place the relationship should move positively and eventually sex will happen at the right time and the right place…..

  • Kirk1C

    I have been in Dallas all my life and being single has it’s good side. .But it is nothing like what the article is trying to express. There are a lot of real people here and sex is not the only part of starting a relationship

  • Leila West

    a true lady does not have sex until they get to know the person they are dating I personally what cuddling and kissing however don’t want to be a tease to a nice man just am very old fashion lady like

  • Leila West

    I am a true lady very old fashion do you like after a few dates and getting to know one another

  • yea. love no date sex.

    Joke…what do you call it when there is no date? just sex. usually infidelity, nobody can be seen on a date.

  • steve

    Let me put it to you this way… I’ve been on both side of that fence, i’ve done the snugging, kissing on the first date taking it nice and slow and to me that shows what kind of woman your with.. Now i’ve been with women that have gone all the way on the first date, and that also shows what kind of woman your with, back in my younger days we would call them an easy peace and not someone you would take home to meet mom and dad… So if your looking for that special someone and they give up everything on your first date thats only good for one thing… Tc all

  • Bobbie Sena

    Disgusting!!! Has everyone totally lost any Biblical view of life? Are things really that hopeless???? How about getting to know each pther really well over a period of at least a month and then deciding if continuing courtship might be appropriate ? If after at least a month of becoming friends with a lot of beliefs, likes, and dislikes in common and a great increasing sexual attraction, then perhaps more increasing intimacy might be appropriate. Does not anyone have any good sense or self respect any more???? Bobbie Sena

  • Dating in DC

    I showed this article to a friend and she made a very good point that there’s still a double standard out there for women. In DC there are more single heterosexual women than single heterosexual men. If a woman doesn’t want to have sex with a man (she doesn’t have to), the guy doesn’t have to try too hard to find someone who will. So to become “competitive” in the datability category, women do have casual sex (ugh, I hate that term…. it’s like a handshake now?) but then are “penalized” because of it because by the time a guy is considering settling down/marriage, there’s still the desire for a virginal woman. A guy doesn’t want to settle down with a woman who had her fair share of sexploration. So how does a woman win? Be discreet (not ashamed) and tell a guy only what he really needs to know.

  • easy

    but what about the 2nd date?

  • cat

    Aren’t you guys are having preventive sex.Like visit a doctor first .So your not spreading

  • RaeRae0725

    It never fails to amaze me that a man I’ve k.own mere hours thinks he has the right to put his hand on my body in a sexual this point I don’t know his favorite dessert, there’s no way to even pretend there’s an reason it would be ok to know what his privates looks like.

  • RaeRae0725

    And I’m as far from frigid or withdrawn as you could imagine.

  • doc holiday

    How can a woman, meet her match if she is giving it up on the first date, in fact I guess she did. But it must likely, not going to lead to no serious relationship, just my sex partner. Men simply will see how far they can go 9 outer 10 if she give it up he will judge.

  • reelwolfe

    look maybe I’m old fashion in this, but kissing and cuddling, or even holding hands that’s cool for whole duration while your dating. However sex I’d rather have that once married. I know, blah blah blah. everyone is blahing it. I don’t care, it was how I was raised, and how I would raise my children, once me and whomever I wind up marrying has kids. Old fashion or not. No sex before marriage. period. and no I’m not an alien. and I am not lying to myself or others, that’s how I roll.

  • Carlos Danger

    Sampling bias… people who have sex on the first date don’t answer polls

  • pooh29

    I don’t think it is appropriate to have sex on the first date. The Bible says abstain from lustful desires. It is absurd to me for a person to expect their date to have sex wit them on a first date. I am not here to judge anyone, to each his own. But I choose to follow biblical principle and which say to abstain until marriage. That might alleviate some problems.

  • pooh29

    Just a note on my previous comment. I submitted before proofreading, but I am aware of my spelling error (with) and typos, wish I could have made corrections.

  • sirribbett

    Don’t waste your time. Not a very well conducted survey.

  • Double bagger

    10% of the men have sex with 2% of the woman? Some your saying only 2% of woman are sluts.

  • Fireguy

    Throughout the article and the posted comments, there is on aspect that I haven’t seen. What about a man and woman that have been chatting, texting, talking, and shared more up to date pictures (all clean) for a couple of weeks to a month. And the only reason they haven’t met face to face is either distance and/or schedules. I’m a mid 40’s guy and have experienced first, second, and third date sex. It just depends on how well both parties know and understand each other. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy sex, but not always just to have it. I am a gentleman, and kind of shy until I get to know someone. Also have never been a big fan of one night stands.

  • Just sayin’

    What happened to the days when men and women got to be friends first and know what’s in each other’s head and heart before having sex? You have to get along more outside the bedroom than in the bedroom. 2/3 of your life with this person will be outside the bedroom and only 1/3 in the bedroom. I was married to a man who was the greatest in bed but, outside the bedroom he was an abusive, jealous drunk. Sex will not be what holds two people together!

  • Cat Lady

    I have found that having sex on the first date, the relationship did not last. When we waited and dated, the relationship lasted a very long time and lead to friendship even after the relationship ended.

  • Bobby

    I agree with the 3th. to 5th. date option. Sex on a first date is just that. Might as well take matters to hand. And save a few bucks. You need to know someone to develop feeling to enjoy retiring to the bedroom. As for this article. In my opinion, you 10% of guys better think twice about sharing the 2% on your first dates……

  • Markway

    My comment is actually a question, no two questions. First, how does the age of the participants affect polling results and 2 how many of those who rush into sex achieve long lasting relationships?

  • yolanda r.

    Question? Am I the only woman left in this world, who knows about the 90 day rule??? I will not sleep with any man on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc etc date.. I need to really know you and have trust for you. Sex is like a weapon, once you us it, it’s very very hard to put it down. I’m one of those people who loves to play with a weapon. So I have to make sure it’s the right one. Hahaha!!!!

  • Michael Goodfellow

    Wow. I wish I had the issue of whether or not to have sex on the first date.
    Hell, I’m the guy who would be told he’s being too forward by hoping for a kiss and then I’m the guy who would be told he didn’t show enough initiative…

  • housedoctor

    I agree with the “old fashioned morals” and “partner for life” ideas. In
    fact, the “good morals” part means more than just waiting until you
    feel ready. In reality, waiting for marriage is part of what builds
    commitment and trust, both necessary in a strong longtime partnership. I
    know that’s not the norm now days, but after all, if your can’t control
    yourself now, how can your partner feel confident that you will control
    yourself later, around other people? Besides, like it or not, anything
    less is just immorality, “fornication”. Remember that word anyone?



  • Indy

    Haha I think its higher cause out of the 22 first dates……I had sex with 14 females

  • takeastand

    Get some control people. It seems this decision is being made as causally as deciding which movie to go see. It’s sad really. We live in a society of immediate gratification and this is obviously right there at the top. How many of these first dates does someone contract a STD, or get pregnant. These are live changing events and in some cases even deadly. It’s ok to stop and think things through, to have self respect for yourself and to say no.

  • Yvonne M. Bryant

    Still Young
    I think that sex on a first date should be fun and careful both people should have
    good intentions and really care for each other and be suitable.

  • Sallyrides

    I’m over 70, youthful, energetic, and sensual. Emailing, talking on the phone, (for weeks perhaps ) and finally getting to meet, is not really a first date. At least not in my book. Yes, I’ll have sex…all night if my partner is able. Taking the time beforehand to really get to know the person pays off. That is the biggest reason Match et al, are so wildly successful! Rightly so, I say. It certainly works for me!

  • JP

    I think that if the man is genuinely attracted he should make his attraction known by implication or courteous body language but in no way do I consider the first date an appropriate night to take your partner to bed especially if you care for her.

  • LoveServes

    No physical contact on the first date, save for possibly a small hug at the end of the day. No kissing, hand-holding, cuddling and especially no sex. How desperate are we that we are willing to give ourselves away so quickly, risking a ton of hurt, both physically and emotionally? A first date is nowhere near long enough to get to know someone. Furthermore, if I date someone looking for sex, I really need to question my motives. If that is the case, then it’s obvious that I care only about satisfying my own desires and urges. No kissing until we’re both committed to marriage and no sex until we’re bound in marriage. While dating and marriage relationships bring with them much joy and pleasure, love is other-regarding, not self-gratifying. Love asks, “how can I serve you?” Not, “will you serve me?” I recommend all who are in a dating relationship to listen to this Love, Sex and Dating series by Andy Stanley. If you want a healthy relationship, it needs a firm foundation.

  • Ms. Jackson

    If I really like a guy, I wait as long as I can to have sex with him. If he’s not someone I think has potential for long-term interest but I still find him attractive, I’ll sleep with him and move on. The latter move has never gotten me a phone call in the following days but if a guy has any kind of worth to me, he’ll wait until I’m ready. And if he doesn’t want to wait, then apparently there are a lot of women who would be willing to put out after date 1!

  • Cj

    I won’t even kiss on a first date, if things go right I have plenty of time for’make up sex’…no clumsy goodnites, just a thank you a a slight respectable hug.


    So, if 10% of men have sex on first dates and only 2% of women do, we have a bit of a puzzle. Do those 2% go visit the 8% after they struck out on their real 1st date? ———or could it simply be that 8% of men lie?

  • Jeremy

    I am a man and 1of my rules is no sex on the 1st date. I think that if you want to have a good relainship with someone that you should take your time and get to know each other befor you have sex so I would say no on having sex on the 1st date. I think it is better take your time to get to konw each other befor you have sex with someone.

  • Curious

    Is this stat representative of any form of sex including oral or just intercourse? Wonder how that stat would change.

  • jdawn

    If a person has sex on the first date simply don’t expect a call back. I have a one month minimal rule. It gives me enough time to get to know him however not too overly attached so if he leaves after having sex and that was simply all he wanted, I can bouncy back easier.

  • Army nurse

    I am 41 and have found that if I wanted, I could go on 2-3 dates a day. And that would be a lot of sex! There is a reason for courting. It’s the friendship and remembering why you fell in love with someone that reinforces the relationship when rocky patches come along. Sex on the first date wraps you up in a lot of emotions that may end up getting you really hurt. It’s harder to see flaws in a partner if you’re in a fog of lust for them.

  • Nita Parikh

    How man can sleep with so manny woman at same time ??

  • helmet 580

    Helmet- there are men who don’t reveal nothing. we have learned from our mother’s to always test the cookie before you buy it. we have a limited life span, come on true women help us out.

  • Owens Wilmoth

    Organic, Individual passion is the rule of thumb here. Women call it ‘chemistry’ but if one isn’t entertaining an intimate relationship at the outset, the state of arousal will come about only when their parents compel the relationship. Respective levels of maturity and native IQ determine the quality and breath of continuing on. The only caveat here is where you have a gentleman (who would never make an untoward gesture) encountering a conservative lady (faith based) and nothing happens save for ongoing polite and civil association. Evolutionary women dictate who their mates are at the outset (within 15 seconds). And only weak types succumb to overbearing, romantic ardor.

  • Lucille Strazza

    The Best is Yet to Come!!!
    Sex on a 1st Date??? Are you All Crazy!!! I’ve never even kissed on a 1st. date & I NEVER had a problem!!! Matter of Fact …the guy’s were Very Impressed !!!
    Of-cause the fact that I was and still very pretty w/a great figure didn’t hurt either
    I lost my husband several year’s ago. Just started dating. Still don’t have a problem! The fact that I was Miss. NYS in the Miss Universe Pag. & heads still turn…doesn’t hurt either. All I can say is that a gut wants to feel Special!!!
    Try it, Gals…you may just find that guys don’t appreciate anything that comes Easy!!!

  • Paula Magnuson

    personally i follow the word of God , it saves a person from bonding to the wrong person .no sex before marriage !

  • Single mom

    What about online dating? If you get to know someone over a period of say 4-6 months and then meet, is sex then still not appropriate?

  • Adam

    Dating is NOT….or SHOULD NOT be finding out if a person is a good lay. People SHOULD date to figure out if a person is compatible w/ your personality and if your lives can work together through the ups and downs of LIFE. NOT whether or not your going to have good sex during that time? Example: Oh yeah He/She was really great we had such a great time, we really connected w/ each other, had the same goals, laughed our heads off, and had really good conversations, Then we had sex on the 3rd date, and there was really nothing there, so I won’t be seeing Him/Her again. What is with you Humans?! You are supposed to be civilized, supposed to be above the animals. One of the reasons I’m SO disappointed and embarrassed to be one of you.

  • rfitzwell

    My recent experiences is that women will unknowingly decide either the first date or when they will want to have sex and emit sex vibes or pheromones which will cause an arousal in men. Testerone has nothing to do with it. The man may not have any real attraction. I have even asked women why they are doing it and some say they can’t help it. But guys, just wait and the woman will come on to you. They want to make sure that you can satisfy them sexually. There are at least 40 percent of women who can’t climax or have vaginal orgasms and I ask this on the first date. After all, if you like the person, you will want to satisfy them. These women will take a bit more time and creativity. And remember that it is not the woman giving anything to you.
    I insist that when I go on a date that the woman pays for her own meal or dutch as it is called. This way a guy won’t be stuck with a large bill and no chance of a meaningful relationship. Some women julst want a free meal

  • AustinConservative

    Sadly, it’s easy to confuse lust and love. People get caught up in lust, get their sexual relationship going very soon into a dating relationship, and once that happens they don’t really get to know each other that well past that point. Their focus is on their sexual relationship, so they don’t know if they’re compatible on other levels too. I. e. do you share similar values, hopes, dreams, goals for your respective lives? Do you have similar ideas about how to relate to family, how to handle money, how to spend free time outside of the bedroom, etc…? My opinion, leave sex for later in the relationship, after you’ve had a chance to get to know the other person on other levels. You don’t want to get caught up in lust, thinking you’re in love, marrying and then end up divorcing because you were never truly in love, and the lust waned. Just my humble opinion.

    • Redhead

      Your response was excellent! It hit the mark in every way. Question is where can you meet such a person – haven’t found him yet! Maybe most people just settle for what they can get – good or bad. Once married, they just get into a comfortable rut and stay there. That was my awful fear.

  • I’m Bill

    Where do the 2% live? 😉
    I’ve done both ~ First Night & Waiting it out… Can’t say there was a difference. I personally don’t understand setting boundaries on ‘when’ to have sex. Maybe it’s just a personal opinion – live for the moment ~ life’s to short whether it’s the first date, fifth date – if the moment is right, enjoy it to the fullest, it may never happen again…or…maybe it’s just the beginning!! 🙂

  • madbeachbud

    I think everyone likes a little intrigue. I enjoy getting to know people and see if we have something to build on. When i was young all those hormones played a big part. Now that I am older common sense plays a bigger part.

  • Aline Roy

    interesting, but it depends at what stage we are in our lives and also what we’re looking for, one night stand or a longer relationship.

  • John Bellevue

    Hate to say it but when ladies put up a magical timeframe on when to have sex they inadvertently make it into some type of prize or something. In some senses it minimizes everything else you have to offer when you hold the sex up on some type of pedestal. I can understand virgins or for religious reasons, but for the mainstream dater looking for a relationship it turns it into a game that most serious guys don’t really enjoy playing. If you want to have sex; then do it, if not; then don’t. It’s not about a chase and guys disappearing after they get it, because trust me; if it was amazing we will be back for more (as much as we can get). Also, the sooner you can get that issue off the table the faster you can get into more real issues of compatibility without it hanging over your head. Just a contrarian’s thought…

  • Supahguy

    As a scientist I realize that the feeling of longing and desire create the chemical PEA in the brain that is AKA the love drug. If I think a woman is attractive but, not viable as a long term candidate I am much more likely to attempt sex on the 1st or 2nd date. Anybody I am really attracted to I would rather postpone sex until the 3rd, 4th of even 5th date. Waiting for sex w/ somebody you are really attracted to is like waiting for Christmas morning and usually well worth the wait. So ladies, if you are over the age of 25 and the man wants to have sex w/ you right away then he IMO is probably not very serious about you and thinks of you as merely a hookup and not long-term relationship material. Women I could actually see a future w/ I myself put on the brakes a time or two. That being said, I personally consider a dating site a tool to allow one to get to know people faster and therefore if you have talked online that may set the groundwork for sex on an earlier date w/ somebody you are truly interested in.

  • Daliah Bryant

    First date sex is fine as long as it is meaningful. You both should be attentive enough to understand why the decision was made to go beyond kissing and hugging. Adults should not act as children when sharing their true nature with someone they truly like and care for. Love as you would like to be loved even in a sexual and playful manner without worrying what others might say. It’s too easy to screw it up! Unfortunately most do.

  • JR

    Sex on the first date is risky – for both physical and mental health. That said, I am a little suspicious about the % of those who admit to having had sex on the first date – I believe it to be much higher – based on my personal experience and those of my male and female friends. I am over 50, so maybe it is more common for the older gen to jump ‘all in’ earlier. A habit from our free-spirited youth?

    Waiting a week or two is a good rule. By then, you should know if your potential partner is a psycho/stalker, totally self-involved, looking for a sugar daddy, or someone that might just work out (the best 2 – 3 weeks can provide). This assumes that you have personally seen each other more than a couple of times.

  • nuria

    How about when you meet someone and after a week that person tells you that he is in love with you and loves you and want to be with you forever,

  • Blue-eyed blonde

    To Eugene: your comments are sexist and archaic. I would imagine the only way you ever get lucky or even a second date is if you keep your mouth shut.

    Oh and Eugene, when a women says “no” she is not doing it just to be coy or to save her reputation. I know that’s probably what YOU have told yourself all these years. No means no big boy.

    We women know what we want and know when we want it. If you’re not dating a women mature enough to express those feelings maybe you should be. If the relationship is not progressing then a women should be honest enough to say so and stop accepting dates, in a kind way. If the feelings are increasing and it is mutual then physical closeness should increase as both parties are comfortable. Although I have ended a relationship because by the third date a guy that was into me had done nothing more than kissed me on the cheek. At 45 if a man has that little confidence I do not wish to be an instructor. Just being honest. Women prefer a man who is confident but not cocky, kind but not smothering, attentive but not oppressive. Having a confident and secure woman in your life does not equate emasculation. We want our man to be a man, we are there to support and encourage.

  • Berth Ljunggren

    I sure have no rush to get into bed, looking for a long term relationship so i can wait a while.

    As a very shy man i hate the “hunt” with women just sitting there doing nothing, where is the equal part in this, if she is interested show it don’t sit wait for me to do something.

  • Imogene

    Robert, I know that not all men are “hunters” but, in over 30 years, I’ve met more than my share. As a woman who invaded the corporate Good-Old Boys club in the early 70’s (at 21), I had to hide in my hotel room every day after a meeting or class. How tired am I after taking 2-3 elevators just to keep the most determined of “conventioneers” from finding out my room number?

  • Cartman.

    In my experience, she wants to be the one to slow you down. It’s almost like if you didn’t try that you didn’t like her.

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  • socaldano

    hmmm, 2% admit to having sex on first date.
    I found that many women will, but won’t admit it.
    Besides, 2% is not enough to give credence to the one night stand.

    I have learned, that most will do it on the first date if they like you.
    If they don’t by the third date, it probably will not happen. Likely because he is a placeholder rather then someone of interest.

    Appropriate and in practice are two completely different things

  • Betta Franka

    This statistics are nothing without context.

  • Betta Franka

    That’s why without the context, first, second and so on dates mean nothing.